Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Reviewing Other's work

LO: To write a review of others’ work
Title: Exports and Imports in the kitchen
Author: KK
Reviewer: MM
Summary: This article is about where food is transported from in N’s kitchen.
Review: I thought this article was pretty good and I like the way it is set out and finding out where it came from. I also enjoyed seeing how the items are imported; for example by sea or road. However, I did not like the fact that near the end it seemed to look like she did not bother to write it as well as she wrote the first few bits of it.
What I liked about the article
I liked the powerful adjectives used in the article and how it is set out.  I also liked the descriptive language.
 What I thought could be improved: 
I thought that near the end it seemed to look like the author could not be bothered to write properly (Pasta = wheat, water). So next time, she needs to put more pride into her work. The worst thing was she did not follow the LO.
Overview: Altogether, I thought the writing was good but there’s room for improvement.
·        She could have used better punctuation like colon instead of equal.
·        She could have structured her work using bullet points.

Task 1 : To write a review of someone’s work.
Title: exporting and importing
Author:  ZZ       
Reviewer: XX

Summary:  This article was written by Nadira Ali and is about importing and exporting food. Nadira looked around her kitchen and listed the food items she could find and where they came from. She also included how the different foods travelled to each country, for an example, by sea, road and air.
What did I like about this piece of writing?
What I liked about this piece of writing is that she listed the food items in her house and wrote how the foods travelled to each country. She also included lots of punctuation and she did not just write one country that the food came from; instead she listed lots of different countries e.g.  Cuba, Florida and Hawaii.
What could she have done to improve this piece of writing?
In order to improve this piece of writing she could have listed some different items as well as just food items, such as, fridges, ovens, dishwashers and freezer. Another useful thing she could have included in this piece of work are what countries the food might have passed on the way and the seas that it might have crossed on the way too. She used numbering  at the beginning and should have carried on with numbering for the rest of the work, she needs to plan what she’s going to do before she does it and instead of using the equal sign all the time, she could be a bit professional and insert a semi colon.
In my opinion, she’s done a good piece of work but it could have been even better; there’s room for improvement and that’s why I personally believe that this piece of work should be marked as a level 3.
LO: To write a review of others’ work
Title: Exports and Imports in the kitchen
Author: VV.
Reviewer: IT
Brief summary: This piece of work is about food and items that is imported from N’s Kitchen
 What was good about this piece of work?
I like the way she set out her work and included where each food is from. I also liked how she used commas for her listing of the countries.
What she could have improved on:
First of all, she did not follow the LO: to import food and items, she listed food only and left out other items in the kitchen e.g. fridge, microwave oven, cooker, table and other things. She could have included names of the seas and countries the items went past on the way to this country. She should have used colon instead of equal.
LO: To write a review of others’ work
Title: Exports and Imports
Author: JJ
Reviewer: SS

Summary: This work is about N’s kitchen and where the food comes from and also how it is imported into the country She used: sugar, bread, salt, rice, and pasta).
What I liked
I like the way N met the task as well as how she listed more than one country for example sugar canes from Cuba, Florida, Hawaii and Brazil.
What she could have improved on
I think that N did a good job but she could have used better punctuation, for instance semicolon instead of = sign.. She could have included more specific information What countries passed, she should have used longer sentences and read over her work to if it makes sense. Plus she should have followed the criteria for what she had to do.
All in all, I think N did a good job but there is a little room for improvement. I would award this work a level 3b.
LO: to write a review of someone else’s workIll!
Article written by XX
Reviewed by ZZ

The article is well written as the writer gave the background to the story. She set out the article very well describing how she was ill and what happened at different times using paragraphs.  She introduced the story very well and develops it up to the end when she started to feel better.
All in all, it was a very well written article as it almost made me feel as if I wanted to jump into the picture.
Good work!
Love and wish
Love: I liked the descriptions, vocabulary and the languages she used in the story for example ‘worst pinging headache’.

Wish: I wished she had used more interesting similes, more outstanding punctuations and adjectives and even included more writing.

 LO: To follow one of the links and summarise main points from your reading
Summary of Rained In!
Princess Iyiomon was glad to have so many people in the Palace who can help her and tell her stories as it was raining heavily outside. They were so many people in the Palace because of the rain and others were conducting their business around the Palace than doing it around town.
Princess Iyiomon has now learnt how to play the game of Ayo, songs for hide and seek games and also learnt stories from her mum and the queen such as the foreign visitors to the Benin.
During this time, Princess Iyiomon also learnt and heard achievements from her great ancestors. She quite likes being rained in because of all the new things she gets to learn.    
To read one of the works and write what you liked about it and what can be improved.
The work that I’m going to be writing about is a piece of work written by N.A who wrote a postcard to her best friend Uwa about visiting her maternal granddad.
What do I like about this piece of writing?
The thing that I liked about this piece of writing is that she used a range of adjectives and described what she had done when she got there, which was plucking mangoes and paw-paw. I also like that she described how she got there as living hell and also that her mother brought extra stuff with her which was pretty annoying.
What could she have done to improve this piece of writing?
There are not many things to be improved on but what I would suggest is that she could have said how she was feeling when she arrived and whether it had taken a long time to get there and also if there were any embarrassing things that happened when she got there and described how her granddads house might have looked inside.

Lo: to write a review of other’s work.
Title: My favourite food
Author: YY
Reviewer: QQ
This work is about W.A liking for chicken and chips and how he describes it and states that you will love it even if you hate fried food.
What I liked
I liked the W.A actually accomplished his task, used various amounts of punctuation such as semi colons, commas and apostrophes. He also used descriptive language for instance the golden succulent crispy taste.
What he should improve on
W.A did a good job but in future he should try to make his writing longer by adding more detail to engage the reader.
I personally think that W.A did an excellent job but at the same time, there is a room for improvement at his level.  I would award this work a level 3b.

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